


Fallen to the Enemy

by spelledink



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Drama, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2019-07-06 16:17:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15889599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spelledink/pseuds/spelledink
Summary: On Virmire, Ashley Williams is left behind with the bomb. She is rescued by an undercover Cerberus agent, Miranda Lawson. They strike up an uneasy alliance when Miranda uncovers a shocking betrayal by the Illusive Man, and a plot against Shepard's life.The women work together to save Shepard, and the galaxy, as the Reapers plan their conquest of the Milky Way.Admiration becomes friendship, and friendship turns to love as the pair fight together.





	1. Ground Zero

**Author's Note:**

> From Virmire, this story completely leaves the rails. This is going to be a long one.
> 
> The canon Mass Effect story will change because Miranda saves Ashley.
> 
> This is a Work In Progress. There will be changes, revisions and additions as it goes forward.

**_Fallen to the Enemy_ **

**A Mass Effect fanfiction**

**This is a non-profit work of fanfiction.**

**Mass Effect and the Mass Effect universe belong to Bioware and Electronic Arts.**

Ashley Williams crouched by the drive core of the Salarian scout ship. Now an improvised thermonuclear weapon. She smiled grimly, firing on the Krogan swarming her position. Using a nuke as cover from enemy fire didn’t escape her sense of irony. The VI controlling the device continued to count down.

Ash barked out a harsh laugh. “These Krogan must be stupid, or not give a damn,” she said. “At least the Geth can upload themselves off their remote platforms.” She looked towards the AA tower in the distance.

_Get out of here, Shepard. We’re out of time._

_Get Kaidan on the Normandy and leave!_

Ash thought of the beautiful red-head. Hero of the Skyllian Blitz. The first human Spectre. The woman who’d saved Ash’s life on Eden Prime.

The woman Ash had slowly, quietly fallen in love with.

Adoring her malachite eyes, the silken fire of her hair. The effortless beauty she wore, like some goddess of the battlefield.

How Ash had come to treasure each shared moment with her. Her commander. Her friend. A flare of warmth in Ash’s heart each time they talked, a pile of gun parts between them.

Yet the commander had always kept herself apart from others.

Aloof.  Friendly, yet never too close. Ignoring the veiled advances of both Alenko and Vakarian.

_She didn’t seem to notice me either._

_Not in the way I wanted her to._

Maybe she wasn’t into shipboard romances. Or maybe she simply wasn’t interested at all

_At least not in any of us._

Her lips curled into a smirk.

_Well, that sucks._

Ash shrugged. Romance or not, she couldn’t ask for a better friend. Thanks to Shepard, Ash had escaped the Williams curse. She’d found a home on the Normandy. A place to belong. Ash would always be grateful for that.

Ash remembered Eden Prime. The chaos of battle. The 212 going down under waves of Geth. Fighting on until no one was left. Nirali the last of her squad. Falling to a sniper as she patched Ash up.

_God, I felt so small, so ashamed, facing Samesh. Not able to tell him how I left his wife behind, my armor painted with her blood._

Ash remembered taking cover as the synthetics advanced, a half-empty pistol in her hand, waiting for the end. Then Shepard came. Charging forward with Alenko, shattering the enemy line with their biotics. Finishing off the Geth with pistol and shotgun.

_Kaidan’s a good man. I’m glad Jane went for him._

_One more rifleman won’t make a difference in this war. Not against Reapers._

“She made the right choice,” Ash whispered.

A group of Krogan surged forward, pinning Ash with their fire. She leaned out, her Avenger rifle hammering furiously. Something burned her shoulder. A hit, passing through her barriers, splintering the layered ceramic of her armor.

Ash responded with a frag grenade, lobbing it at the Krogan squad. It exploded, silencing two of them. Another Krogan opened up with a shotgun. It’s tightly packed flechettes tearing through Ash’s weakened shields. Ash winced, tasting blood in her mouth. She leaned out from behind her shelter, felling the enemy with a headshot.

_Maybe the bomb won’t get me after all._

Ash returned fire, her rifle falling silent as it overheated. She reached behind her back, drawing her Karpov pistol. Her mouth drawn into a snarl as she fired.

She ducked back behind the drive core as her omni-tool sprang to life. A message coming through.

_Jane._

“Williams, this is Shepard,” the Spectre said. “We’re on our way in the Normandy. Just hang on.” Ash shook her head. “Negative, negative,” she rasped. “The landing zone is hot, I’m the only one left. No dust-off possible.”

The omni-tool crackled. “Ash, we’re coming,” replied Shepard, her voice rough. “We’re not abandoning you.”

Ash sighed. “You can’t commander,” she said. “It’s too late. You have to clear the bomb’s blast radius.”

Another voice broke in. “Ash, I can get there in time,” interrupted Joker. “Just sit tight.”

Ash shook her head. “Joker, turn the ship around,” she said, her voice breaking. “Get out of here. It’s too late. I’m… I’m already gone.”

Shepard’s voice returned, frustrated. “Ash,” she said. “Don’t do this. I don’t want to lose anyone else. I… I don’t want to lose you.”

Ash stared at her omni-tool, something tight in her chest. “Thank you, Shepard, but you know what you have to do,” she said. “You can’t risk the Normandy. You have to stop Saren. You have to go, _now_.”

Shepard responded, something broken in her tone. “Ash…” she breathed.

The brunette shook her head, blinking back tears. “It’s all right commander, I don’t regret a thing,” she said. “It’s… it’s been an honor serving with you. I wish…”

A harsh crackle of static answered, the connection failing. _No signal_ flashing across the face of Ash’s omni-tool.

Ash looked up, seeing the Normandy rise above the AA towers. Gracefully turning, its nose pointed to the clouds. Rising in the sunlight. Thrusters flaring. Gaining altitude.

Leaving her behind.

Alone.

Ash stared at the screen, a bittersweet smile on her face. Knowing she’d been silenced.

She shuddered, a sob bursting from her lips, as she looked skyward.

Tears blurring her eyes as she watched the Normandy.

“Jane… I have to say it,” she said. “Say it out loud, even if you can’t hear me. Just this once. Just for _me_.”

Her voice trembled, her eyes following the ship as it retreated.

“I love you.”


	2. Covert Operative

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miranda rescues Ashley.

Miranda Lawson rushed from Saren’s research lab. She’d managed to download most of the data from Dr. Droyas’ research terminal. The “cure” for the genophage was merely cloning. Useful perhaps, but dull. The information on husks and indoctrination was a different story.  

She smirked.

_That’s why the Illusive Man sent me to steal it._

The data packet was massive. Almost a petabyte of data, carefully held in the storage unit hanging from Miranda’s shoulder.

Now she needed to leave. Shepard had managed to breach the base, and provoke Sovereign. Miranda activated her tactical cloak and headed for the door. She headed down the pathway, towards an open terrace. Miranda activated her omni-tool, sending the remote recall signal to her shuttle.

Something caught her eye as she rushed down the ramp. Below her, on a wide terrace. A woman, wounded. Next to a…

Miranda swore.

_Who the fuck rigged a ship’s drive core into a bomb? A nuclear bomb?_

Miranda rolled her eyes.

_Shepard, of course._

A loud klaxon sounded from the device. A final warning.

_Shit._

A squad of Krogan had the woman pinned down. She fired back with a pistol, holding them off. Her other hand trying pressed tight against a stomach wound.

_Not my problem._

Miranda continued down the path, then stopped. She looked back at the woman.

She was alone. Outmatched and outgunned. But still she fought.

Red blood bright on her white armor.

_Dammit._

_I don’t have time for this._

_Not for some romantic notion of heroism._

Miranda growled, shaking her head.

_What the hell is wrong with me. She’s Alliance. One of Shepard’s._

Another thought occurred to her, stopping her retreat.

_That… that might be useful. She could have valuable information about Saren._

Decision made, Miranda jumped down. Her biotics landing her gracefully on the terrace. Her arm flared blue as she threw a warp at the advancing Krogan. The field shredded the barriers and armor of two. Stepping forward, she quickly finished them with a headshot to each. The remaining Krogan charged, the fire from his rifle impacting Miranda’s barriers. Her tactical cloak failed. Miranda thrust her right arm forward. A biotic throw propelled the warrior off the terrace, roaring as he fell.

_Wouldn’t want to clean up that mess._

Miranda chuckled.

_Oh, right. The bomb will do that._

Miranda approached the woman. An Alliance Marine. Still conscious. Barely hanging on. Her pistol wavered as she covered Miranda. “Who are you?” she asked. “You’re not Alliance.”

Miranda nodded. “No, I’m not. But I’m your only way out of here,” she said, gesturing to the bomb. She applied a dose of medigel to the woman’s wounds. Miranda’s fingers flickered over her omni-tool, calling her shuttle.  

“Are you coming?” she asked. The woman locked eyes with her, her face stubborn. “So, I’m your prisoner now?” she asked. “Not really the time to talk about it,” replied Miranda. “But do you have another option?” The woman struggled to rise, then dropped into a faint. Miranda caught her, using her biotics to lift the marine into her arms. The soldier’s pistol clattered to the ground.

_She won’t be needing that. I don’t want her waking up feeling… ungrateful._

Miranda’s shuttle landed on the terrace. Gull-wing doors opening for her. She deposited the marine into a chair, strapping her in. Taking the pilot’s seat, Miranda closed the shuttle doors and took off. She accelerated rapidly, the ground receding beneath the small ship.

_Need to get further away._

White light flooded the cabin as the bomb beneath them exploded. The shockwave tossed the shuttle, it’s shields and instruments flickering for a moment. Miranda compensated, guiding the vehicle into orbit.

_Any closer to that explosion and the electromagnetic pulse would’ve dropped us like a rock._

_Hope sleeping beauty is worth all the fuss._

Miranda checked the instruments. Engine power flickering unsteadily. Some damage to drive core… she might not be able to make it to her rendezvous. Her support frigate would leave if she didn’t show up on time. If that happened, she’d have to find a Cerberus base to make repairs at. Either that, or chance the long trip to her Omega safehouse in a damaged shuttle.

Miranda found the Normandy on her sensors. Heading away from Virmire, towards the planet Nemata. Miranda guided her wounded shuttle in the opposite direction, towards Prescyla. As she approached the small planet, the shuttle began to vibrate. The instrument panel lighting up with warnings.

_Looks like I won’t be making that rendezvous._

_Or Omega either._

Miranda scanned the surface of Prescyla. The small terrestrial world looming closer as the shuttle approached. A frozen world, dusky green in appearance.

Cold. No atmosphere.

The sensors spotted something on the surface.

A small structure. Artificial atmosphere inside.

_It looks like it’s Batarian construction._

_Pirates, or smugglers, probably._

Miranda chuckled, a grin forming on her face.

_Looks like I’ll have to make their acquaintance._

Miranda guided the crippled shuttle towards the planet. Setting course for the isolated base.

“To bad my guest is unconscious,” she said. “Another gun hand would be helpful.”

Miranda set the shuttle to auto-pilot. She rose from her seat, crossing over to the wounded marine. She passed her omni-tool over the woman. Life signs were stable. The medi-gel doing its work on the Alliance soldier’s wounds. A brief smile flickered over Miranda’s face.  Miranda released the woman from her harness, removing her hard-suit’s helmet.

_She’s beautiful._

Miranda’s eyes looked over the strong features of the warrior. High cheekbones. Pink lips, lightly glossed. All framed by the lustrous wave of auburn hair falling about her shoulders.

“Let’s get you comfortable,” said Miranda. She popped the seals on the marine’s armor, revealing the skin-suit beneath. The garment left little to the imagination. Long, athletic legs. High-set breasts. Tight, muscular abs. The poster child for a female in the Systems Alliance military. Strong, not soft. Yet still beautiful, feminine.

Miranda used her biotics to lift the marine carefully. She moved her to the rear of the shuttle. A small cabin lay there. The door opened, revealing a bed. Not a large one, by any means. But a bed nonetheless. Miranda’s one luxury. Sleeping in a pilot’s chair was not any fun over long distances.

_At least the money I stole from father was good for something._

Miranda lowered the other woman to the bed, gently covering her with a soft blue blanket. Opening the med kit that lay beside the bed, she administered a mild sedative.

_That should keep her quiet until I’m done with our pirate friends._

The woman moaned in her sleep.

“Jane…” she said. “Love you.”

Miranda considered that bit of information.

_Are they lovers, or is it just another woman with a crush on the Lion of Elysium?_

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” she said. “Good to know her tastes run that way… it might give me some leverage.”

Miranda eyed the marine, her lips curving in a grin. She could surely seduce the woman, if it came to that.

_It might even be fun._

_Anything for the mission, after all._


	3. Pirate Base

Miranda landed the wounded shuttle outside the hidden base on Prescyla. She opened her locker in the bedroom. It wouldn’t be a good idea to wear her usual garb for this operation. She’d need real armor. She unzipped the black catsuit that clung to her curves, peeling it off. Only a pair of black lace panties beneath. Miranda quickly donned the skinsuit for her armor. She ran her omni-tool over it to check the connectors that would mate to the armor. Everything checked out.

Miranda didn’t often wear standard armor. When she did, it meant the odds were bad. Usually she could use stealth and her biotics to take on the enemy. But this mission was an unknown. She’d be outnumbered, of course. The question was, how badly. Speed, biotics and brutality would have to suffice, on this trip out.

Miranda retrieved a dark set of Colossus VII light armor from the locker. She put it on, the red and black design projecting an air of intimidation. She attached her Harpy IX pistol to the magnetic clip at the back of her armor. Miranda took a rifle from the locker as well. She shrugged. A Gorgon V infantry weapon. Not her usual choice, but she might need the extra firepower.

_Who knows what I’ll be meeting in there._

Miranda turned, facing her patient. The woman’s eyes met hers.

_She’s awake. Disoriented though. Probably the loss of blood._

“Who are you?” the marine asked.

“My name is Miranda, Miranda Lawson,” the biotic replied.

“I’m Ash, Ashley Williams,” the marine said. “Why are you getting geared up?” She struggled to sit up, groaning as she did.

“Stay down,” Miranda said. “You’re hurt. The ship’s damaged, but I think we can fix it here. I just have to clear out some pirates first.”

The woman shook her head, frowning. “Not alone,” she rasped. “Too dangerous.”

Miranda chuckled, a smile coming to her face. “You’re in no condition to fight,” she said. “I think what you need right now is a nice, long nap.”

The woman tried to rise. Miranda took an auto-syringe from her med-kit, injecting the woman in the shoulder. The marine hissed, struggling as the medication took hold. Brown eyes fluttering as she fell to her pillow, unconscious.

_Isn’t she cute. She doesn’t want me to get hurt._

Miranda slipped her helmet over her head, checking the heads-up display. No problem with the readouts. She turned from the bed, stepping towards the shuttle door. She touched the control panel beside it, erecting a permeable force field over the doorway.

_That’ll keep oxygen from escaping the cabin._

Miranda opened the shuttle door, stepping through the shimmering blue barrier out onto the planet’s surface. Touching her omni-tool, she closed the shuttle door behind her, locking it.

_That should keep my chocolate-eyed friend from wandering._

Miranda headed towards the pirate base, staying behind the cover of rocks and dips in the landscape. The structure quickly loomed before her. A docking bay and an airlock appearing before her.

_Nothing like knocking on the front door._

_Oh well, let’s see who’s home._

Miranda advanced to the airlock. Activating her omni-tool, she quickly hacked through the portal. The access light changing from red to green. The door opened. Miranda entered, pistol at ready. Her biotics gleaming across her right hand, ready to hurl a singularity. The room inside was dark. A large garage, filled with cargo containers and vehicles. Two shuttles and an M29 Grizzly.

A staircase led upwards. Light coming from a door at the top. Miranda silently ascended the stairs, hugging the wall. Coming to the doorway, she heard voices. Miranda peered around the corner. Two batarians. One holding a shotgun. Miranda fired her pistol. Once. Twice. They fell, a neat hole drilled between four eyes. Miranda dashed down the corridor, as an alarm sounded. She entered another large room, filled with airtight red shipping containers.

_Red sand._

_If these get ruptured, the whole room becomes toxic._

Miranda smirked, holding her position.

A squad of batarian pirates hurried down the stairs from the floor above, rifles at ready. They made their way towards Miranda. Touching her omni-tool, she launched a grenade into the center of the room. It exploded, tearing through the cargo containers. A cloud of dark red filled the air. The batarians began to cough, exposed to the powerful drug.

Miranda’s grin widened.

_That’s why you always keep your helmet handy._

Miranda’s arms glowed blue. A biotic throw crushing two of her foes against the far wall.

Her pistol spoke, a shot taking another batarian in the throat as he coughed on red sand. The cloud of red sand slowly dissipated. Miranda crossed the room, mounting the stairs. The door at the top was closed. Miranda swiped her omni-tool, scanning the room beyond. Eight life forms inside. Six batarian and two krogan.

_Probably Blood Pack mercenaries, hired by the pirates._

_Damn. This will be… unpleasant._

Miranda opened the door.

A large batarian in blue armor stood on a platform overlooking the room, flanked by the two Krogan. “So, human, you’ve decided to join us,” he said. Miranda nodded. “You’ve got something I want, so I thought I’d introduce myself,” she said. The batarian laughed. “I like you,” he said. “Maybe I’ll keep you as my pet, instead of killing you.”  Miranda looked at him. “Oh?” she asked. “Are you the boss of this little operation?”

The batarian grinned, showing sharp teeth. “Captain Ahrak, at your service,” he replied. “Shall we begin?” Miranda smiled. “Of course,” she said, throwing a warp towards Ahrak. Two batarians charged Miranda, rifles firing. She threw herself sideways, crouching behind a large concrete pillar. Reaching behind her back, she retrieved her rifle. She fired. Heavy slugs taking the lead warrior in the stomach. The second pirate advanced. Miranda sighted through her scope, carefully dropping him with a headshot.

_Six left, better make this quick._

One of the krogan leapt from the platform, shotgun booming as he charged. Miranda charged her biotics, throwing a warp at him. The Krogan staggered under its force. Miranda leaned out of cover, firing her rifle. The Krogan pushed on, caught in a blood-rage. Shotgun pellets whipped by Miranda’s face, gouging the pillar she hid behind. Two batarians moved in on Miranda’s left. One fired a heavy pistol at Miranda. The shot pierced her barriers, hitting her hard in the left shoulder. The rifle clattered to the floor from her hands, sliding out of reach.

_Damn. Not good._

Miranda pulled her pistol, launching a biotic throw at the pair of attackers. A sudden roar filled her ears. Miranda wheeled, the raging Krogan upon her. A heavy fist connected with her head, cracking the faceplate of her helmet. She fell to ground, desperately bringing her pistol up. The Krogan kicked Miranda, throwing off her aim. His shotgun pointing down at her chest.

Miranda met reptilian eyes, knowing it was over.

_Oriana… I’m sorry._

The krogan’s smile was wide.

Three shots rolled together, like one sound.

 


	4. Still Standing

Ash woke. Her head groggy from the medications her rescuer had given her.

_Rescuer or captor?_

She shook herself awake, worry spurring her into motion.

_That woman’s going to get herself killed. She can’t take on a pirate base by herself!_

Ash wondered about the black-haired beauty. She seemed confidant, and a strong fighter.

_A biotic too, like Shepard._

_And sexy as hell._

Ash had gotten a good look at the other woman, as she dressed.

_What a sight to wake up to._

Ash shook her head. No time for that now. She looked around for her armor. She spied it on the floor nearby. Damaged.

Another garment lay on the floor. A black catsuit. Something infiltrators used during stealth missions. Ultra-light armor, with decent biotic and tech barriers.

_Not so good with bullets, though._

Ash shrugged. It was all she had to work with. She grabbed the garment. Stripping off her skin suit, she slipped her legs into the catsuit. The fabric stretched, conforming to her shape.

_It’s tight._

Ash removed her bra, tossing it on the bed. She put her arms through the sleeves, and zipped the suit up. Ash opened the nearby locker, donning a black pair of gloves, and a lightweight helmet. She synched her omni-tool with the suit, turning on its barriers.

Ash looked for weapons. Hers were nowhere to be found. The locker contained a single weapon. A Raikou VI pistol. Ash attached it to a magnetic pad at the back of the catsuit.

_That won’t be enough._

She looked around the room. A long black case lay under a table. Ash retrieved the case, opening it. A Diamondback AR. Ash smiled.

_Miranda gets all the nicest toys._

Ash turned, walking to the shuttle door.

Locked.

Swiping her omni-tool, she opened a hacking program. The door opened, a shimmering forcefield springing into life.

_Time to go._

Ash passed through the shining barrier, leaving the shuttle. The pirate base rose in the distance. A sudden wave of lethargy washed over her.

_No time for that now._

Searching her omni-tool, she searched the catsuit’s assets. Medi-gel, biotic supplements, stimulants.

_There it is._

Ash selected stimulants from the menu, taking a dose. The fatigue washed away from her limbs. Her lips quirked.

_I’ll probably pay for this later, good thing Dr. Chakwas isn’t around._

_Oh well, time to join the party._

Ash loped towards the building ahead, rifle in hand. She came to the hangar door. It was open. Entering, she immediately heard the sound of gunfire coming from above. A firefight.

_Better hurry. Miranda won’t last long on her own._

Ash charged up the stairs, the sound of battle coming closer. Passing a room with dead batarians and shattered red sand crates, she continued on. She hurried up the stairs. The battle lay beyond the door at the top. Ash entered.

Miranda lay on the ground, a massive krogan above her. A shotgun pointed at her chest. “Hey!” screamed Ash. The krogan looked up, lifting his shotgun towards Ash. She fired a burst from her rifle, striking him in the chest. The krogan staggered, then charged. Ash fired again. A long burst stitching across the warrior’s belly. He fell over, dead.

Ash rushed towards the other woman, dragging her behind a large pillar. “You alright?” she asked. “Yes,” the woman replied. “Thanks.” Ash nodded. “Let’s finish this,” she said. She advanced towards the batarians, dropping one with a short burst of fire. Miranda supported her, launching a warp at two other pirates. The power tearing through their shields, killing them.

Two enemies remained. Ahrak and his krogan bodyguard. Miranda launched a biotic throw at the krogan pushing him back. Ash focused on the leader, hammering his shields with a stream of fire. The batarian countered, shotgun forcing the marine behind cover. The krogan charged, rushing Miranda. She met him, a biotic slam forcing the warrior to the ground. Her pistol flared. Four shots tearing into his skull, at point-blank range. The krogan did not rise.

Ash advanced on Ahrak, firing short bursts from her rifle. Overcoming his shields. A last shot taking him in the chest, stopping his heart. Ash turned to Miranda, smiling. Then fell to the ground.

Miranda watched Ash collapse. She rushed to the marine’s side, kneeling beside her. She searched the other woman. Hands sweeping the brunette’s curves, probing for wounds. “You bloody fool, why did you come here? I told you to stay put!” she rasped. Brown eyes fluttered open, meeting Miranda’s. “Sorry,” Ash said. “I think I overdid the stims.”

The agent grimaced. “Fuck,” she replied. “You shouldn’t be taking those, in your condition. You could’ve had a seizure.” The marine shrugged. “Yeah,” she answered. “Calculated risk. Couldn’t let you fight them alone.”

Miranda huffed. “What are you trying to do, kill yourself?” she asked. Ash shook her head. “No,” she replied. “Just wanted to pay you back for helping me.”

Miranda turned away, a furious blush on her face. “That was… that was nothing,” she said. “You shouldn’t thank me for that.” Ash’s brow furrowed. “Why not?” she queried.

The operative sighed. “You just shouldn’t, that’s all,” she said. Ash looked at Miranda, smiling. “Thank you, Miranda,” she said, her vision graying as she fell unconscious.

Miranda combed one hand through the other woman’s hair, her eyes soft. “What am I going to do with you?” she said. “And how am I going to explain who and what I am?”

She picked Ash up, cradling her in her arms. Blue eyes raked over the other woman’s face. Ash’s head leaning against Miranda’s shoulder.

A strange warmth bloomed in her chest.

“You saved me,” Miranda said. “I thought I was finished. That everything was over. That I’d never get to see Oriana again.”

She sighed. “Now what do I do?” she said. “How do I tell you the truth? That I’m your enemy. That you’re my prisoner. That I wasn’t trying to help you.”

Miranda shook her head. She stared at the woman in her arms. Eyes lingering on her face. The gentle blush of her parted lips.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice soft. “I’m sorry I have to do this. I really am.”

Her voice dropped to a whisper.

“But why does it feel so awful, knowing that you’ll hate me?”


	5. Captive

Ash woke up, her mouth dry. She lay on an inflatable mattress, a blanket thrown over her. Clad in a plain gray jumpsuit. 

 _In a cage._  

Ash recognized it. A holding pen. The batarians used them to hold slaves. She growled, knowing who had done this 

 _Miranda._  

“Miranda, let me out!” she yelled. No answer. “Is this the thanks I get for helping you, for saving you? She said. “You bitch! Her voice echoed in the storage room where she lay. She rose to her feet, stalking the cage. Her muscles aching for violence

_I can’t fucking believe it._

_Where is she? I’m surprised she’s not here now, gloating._

Ash scanned the room, wondering where the other woman had gone. Miranda. The woman who had saved her on Virmire. Who she had fought beside, against the pirates.

_When was that? Hours ago? Days?_

Ash didn’t know.

She sighed. For the moment, she was stuck. The cage was solid enough. Ash looked on the floor. A plastic bottle of water lay beside the mattress. A couple of field ration bars beside it.

_So, she wants me alive. At least for now._

Ash snorted. If Miranda had wanted her dead, she could’ve left her to her fate. To the white fire and shockwave of a nuclear weapon exploding. But she didn’t. So that only meant one thing.

_Information._

Miranda wanted to know about Shepard. Ash didn’t have anything else. She wasn’t important. But Shepard? The first human Spectre? Oh, yeah. She was. Important enough to pluck one Ashley Williams off Virmire. Away from her looming death.

_I am so fucked._

She’d be coming soon. Miranda. Then the questioning would begin. The intimate dance of pain and relief that bound torturer and subject together.

Ash knew what to expect. She’d been through the training. How to resist, how to hold on. How to distance your mind from what was being done to your body. But everyone breaks in the end. It was only a matter of time. Simple mathematics. Force plus time equals capitulation.

A shudder ran through Ash.

_Maybe the bomb would’ve been better. A lot quicker, that’s for sure._

Ash considered Miranda.

Bold. Aggressive. Confidant. A powerful biotic and a crack shot.

Beautiful. Almost perfect. Like a painting of the ideal female, brought to life. Crafted down to the last detail. Ebon hair. Sparkling blue eyes. Lips meant for kissing. Sinuous curves, promising danger and delight. A body built for pleasure, paired with a razor-sharp mind.

Ash chuckled.

_Why do I always get attracted to the dangerous ones? First Shepard, and now her. There must be something wrong with me._

Miranda would doubtless come soon. She most likely had camera feeds watching Ash. Waiting for her to recover.

_Who the hell does she work for?_

_The Blue Suns? Cerberus?_

Ash let out a frustrated groan. There was no way out of this that she could see. No weapons, no way to call for help. Stuck in a cage, like an animal awaiting slaughter.

_Dying is starting to look like the least unpleasant possibility here._

Ash took picked up the bottled water. She unscrewed the cap, sniffing it.

_Doesn’t smell like anything’s in it._

  
Ash took a long pull from the bottle. Relishing the feel of it, as it washed down her throat. She replaced the cap, setting the bottle down. She would have to be patient, and wait. Wait for Miranda to appear, and make a mistake. One that she could exploit. She’d only get one chance at it. If she didn’t take the biotic by surprise, it’d be all over.

Ash was confident that she could take Miranda in hand-to-hand, if she got close enough. Most biotics relied on their powers too much. Still, Miranda was good with her weapons, so she might have martial arts training, too.

_I’ll have to be quick. A hard blow to the head or throat, to put Miranda down._

Ash grimaced at that.

_I... don’t want to kill her, or hurt her. At least not too bad._

Ash shook her head.

_What’s wrong with me? I’m worried about harming the woman that put me in a cage?_

_Shepard really has been rubbing off on me._

“And not in a good way,” she said, smirking.

Ash opened her omni-tool.

_Someone’s tampered with it. Communication and weapons functions don't work. All I can get are medical readouts, music and reading applications._

A voice sounded.

_Miranda._

The other woman neared, clad in a black and white catsuit. The garment clinging to her form. “I thought you’d need something to occupy your time,” she said.

Ash glared at the woman. “Why?” she asked. “Why all this?” The other woman arched an eyebrow. “You mean, saving you?” she asked. The marine nodded. “Yes,” she replied. “Why me?”

Miranda shrugged. “I need you to tell me about your mission,” she said. “What you’ve found out about Saren and the Reapers. And Sovereign.”

Ash’s gaze darkened. “Is that all?” she asked. Blue eyes caught Ash’s. “I want to know what Shepard is doing,” Miranda replied.

The marine tensed, her voice gruff. “Who do you work for?” she asked. Miranda sauntered closer. “Recognize this?” she asked. She tapped a gold and black medallion attached to her catsuit.

The geometric pattern was familiar, bringing a snarl to Ash’s lips. “Cerberus,” she spat. Miranda eyed Ash, her expression calm. “Yes,” she replied. “I was infiltrating Saren’s lab on Virmire. Stealing data. That’s why I was there.”

Ash scoffed. “So, I was an acquisition. Kidnap me to get information,” she said, her voice bitter. The Cerberus agent nodded. “Yes,” replied Miranda. “That’s why I took you. To learn what you know.”

Ash scowled. “What’s next? Drugs? Torture?” she queried. Miranda paused, perplexed. “I… I don’t know,” she said. The marine sneered. “Please, I know how Cerberus works,” she said. “I saw what you did to Admiral Kahoku.”

Miranda winced. “That was… regrettable.” she said. Ash stared at the other woman. “So, what happens to me?” she asked. Miranda spread her hands. “Well, for the moment, nothing,” she said. “The shuttle's grounded until I can fix it.”

Ash glowered at Miranda. “So, I’m stuck in this cage, until you turn me in,” she said, her voice cold. The agent nodded. “For now,” she answered. The marine shook her head. “Did what I do mean anything?” she asked. “You were going to die. That krogan had you cold.”

Miranda’s voice faltered. “True,” she said. Ash leaned forward. “I saved you,” she said, meeting the other woman’s eyes.A troubled look crossed Miranda’s face. “Yes, you did,” she said, her voice soft. “I… thank you.” Ash let out a frustrated growl. “Then let me go!” she said.

The operative shook her head. “I can’t,” said Miranda. “I’m sorry, but I have a mission to complete. You’re part of it.” The marine’s eyes darkened. “When you’re done with me, I’m dead, or a lab rat,” she said. “I know what you people do. I’ve seen it.”

Miranda paused. She licked her lips, hesitant. “You could join us. I could help you,” she said. Ash scoffed. “The Alliance doesn’t treat the Williams family very well, but I won’t betray it. Not to join Cerberus,” she said.

“Why not?” asked Miranda. Ash stared at the operative. “I don’t like aliens, but I’m no xenophobe,” she said. “Not like Terra Firma or your people.”

Miranda huffed. “Be realistic, Ash,” she said. “Helping us is your only option.” The marine folded her arms. “That’s not going to happen,” she replied. The agent’s eyes narrowed. “Then you’ll die,” she said.

Ash sighed. “There are worse things than death,” she answered. Miranda frowned. “I know,” she replied. “I’ve seen them. I’d rather that didn’t happen to you.”

The brunette turned away. “Better that than turn into something I hate,” Ash said. “Cerberus claims to be fighting for humanity, but you’ve forgotten something important.”

Blue eyes contemplated the marine. “What’s that?” the biotic asked. Ash gazed at agent. “If we give up our compassion for others, we’re no longer human,” she replied. “So, what’s the point?”

The operative paused, taken aback. “I... I don’t know,” Miranda said. The brunette murmured a softly, a pensive look on her face. “What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?” she quoted.

Miranda nodded, placing it. “Matthew, 16:26,” she said. Brown eyes entreated the operative. “Doesn’t Cerberus get that?” Ash asked. “It doesn’t matter how much power you gain, if you lose yourself in the process.”

Miranda shrugged. “Few will agree with you,” she said. “Most believe power is its own reward.” Ash’s gaze intensified. “What about _you_ , Miranda?” she challenged. “Is that what you believe?”

The agent replied, her words halting. “I do the best I can,” said Miranda. “To make the right decisions. Ones that help more than they hurt. But that isn’t always possible.”

Ash frowned, her brow knitting. “Explain, Miranda,” she said. The operative left out a frustrated breath. “We’re at war, Ash,” she answered. “The Reapers are coming, and no one seems to care. Except Shepard.”

The marine nodded. “I know that,” answered Ash. Miranda ran her fingers through her hair, collecting her thoughts. “The Illusive Man wants humanity to survive,” she said. “He’ll use any weapon he can to achieve that goal.”

Ash scanned the other woman’s face. “Even if it means corrupting our ideals? Our beliefs?” she probed. The agent waved Ash off. “They don’t mean anything if we’re all dead,” she answered.

The marine frowned. “You really think so?” she asked. Miranda nodded. “A clean conscience isn’t worth annihilation,” she said. “I’d rather damn myself than the ones I love.”

Ash looked at Miranda, curious. “Why do you work for Cerberus?” she asked. Miranda lowered her eyes. “It’s complicated,” she said. “The truth is, I owe them.” Ash’s voice softened. “What made you join?” she probed.

Miranda shrugged. “They… they helped me, when no one else would,” she said. “They helped me save my sister.” Ash’s breath caught. “Your sister?” she asked. She approached Miranda, her hands coming to rest on the bars of the cage.

A brief smile flitted across Miranda’s face. “Yes,” she replied. “Oriana, my little sister.” A fond look crept onto the agent’s face. “She’s the one good thing I managed to rescue from my old life.”

Ash cocked her head. “What happened?” she asked.

Miranda’s eyes clouded over, lost in some unpleasant memory. “When I was younger, I ran away from home. From my father,” she said, her voice slow.

The marine frowned. Why?” she inquired. The operative’s lips twisted in a sneer. “Let’s say we weren’t a normal, happy family,” said Miranda, bitterness creeping into her voice. “He didn’t care about children. Only his business, his legacy.”

Ash shook her head. “That’s terrible,” she said. The agent shrugged. “To him, I was never a child,” said Miranda. “Merely an asset. Something to use. Control. I didn’t want that.”

The marine’s lips curled in disgust. “How could he be like that?” asked Ash, shocked.

Blue eyes met Ash’s, their regard cool. “He hurt me in so many ways, so many times, when I was young,” said Miranda. “Just to get what he wanted out of me. By the time I was sixteen, all I wanted to do was get away from him. From the life he trapped me in.”

The brunette stepped towards Miranda, concern in her voice. “Miranda…” she said. Miranda spread her hands. “When I escaped, no one would help me,” she said. “Not the Alliance. Not C-SEC. Only Cerberus did.”

Ash pursed her lips. “What about your sister?” she asked. The Cerberus operative shrugged. “When my sister was born, I knew I had to do something,” Miranda said. “I had to get her away from father. To see she had a normal life. To keep him from ruining her, like he did me.”

Ash hesitated. “Did you?” she asked, her voice low. Miranda glanced at Ash, generous lips curving. “Yes,” she answered. “I asked the Illusive Man for help, and he did.”

Brown eyes scanned the operative’s face, their gaze gentle. “That’s your reason?” probed Ash. Miranda nodded. “Uh-huh,” she said. “I have a debt to pay.”

Ash cleared her throat, darting a timid glance at the agent. “Are you and Oriana close?” she asked. A quiet sigh broke Miranda’s lip. “No,” she said, eyes glittering with unshed tears. “She doesn’t even know I’m alive.”

Ash gaped, uncomprehending. “Why?” she asked. Miranda bowed her head, her voice a gentle murmur. “To keep her safe,” she answered. “But that doesn’t matter. I’ll never regret saving her. Because she’s free. Free to live her own life, to make her own choices.”

Ash’s voice softened. “I… I’m sorry, Miranda.” she said. Miranda quirked an eyebrow. “You’re sorry?” the biotic replied.

Ash nodded. “Yeah, I get that. Saving your sister,” she said. “I have three. And I’d do anything for them. Anything to see them safe. To see them happy.”

Miranda looked down, embarrassed. “Oh,” she said. “I… I didn’t know.” The marine shook her head. “It’s okay, Miranda,” said Ash. “I understand. I know what it’s like, wanting to protect someone like that.”

The Cerberus agent sighed. “I’m sorry Ash,” said Miranda. “I didn’t mean to take you away from your family.” Ash met Miranda’s eyes, her gaze steady. “I understand why you’re with Cerberus,” she said. “But I can’t help you.”

The agent protested. “Why?” she asked. Ash shrugged. “I’m a soldier,” she said. “I can’t betray my oath. Even if I get killed for it.”

Miranda grimaced.

_You’ll end up dead! For nothing! Do you think the Alliance will give a damn?_

Miranda’s fingers tore through her hair, frustrated. “Ash, please,” Miranda said. “It’s a little information. We don’t want to stop Shepard, I promise.” Ash let out a small laugh. “I’m supposed to believe that?” she queried. Miranda sighed. “I wish you would,” she replied. Ash looked at the Cerberus operative.

_Why is she trying so hard?_

_Does she want to save me, or is it the information?_

“Miranda, thank you. Thank you for trying,” she said. “But I can’t give you what you want. Not even to save my life.”

Miranda’s eyes hardened as she looked at the marine.

_Doesn’t she know what will happen?_

Miranda’s voice lowered. “What about your sisters?” she asked. Ash’s eyes narrowed, a deadly chill in them. “Threaten them and I’ll kill you, Miranda, no matter what it takes.”

Miranda sighed. “It won’t be me, Ash,” she said. “I don’t go after family. But others do, and will. To make you talk.”

Ash’s skin went cold. An icicle of fear slamming into her chest.

Her eyes widened.

_Miranda was right._

_They’d do it. They’d come after Sarah, Abby, and Lynn. Or mom._

_No_

Ash sank to her knees, overwhelmed. She looked up at the Cerberus officer, eyes fearful. “Please Miranda,” Ash said. “Don’t tell them about me. Don’t let them hurt my family. Please…”

“What are you saying?” asked Miranda. Ash’s eyes met Miranda’s. She wet her lips with her tongue. A devil’s bargain forming in her mind.

“Do what you want to me,” she said. “Torture me. Hurt me. Kill me. But leave my family out of it, I’m begging you.”

Miranda gripped the bars of the cage. She gazed at the brunette. Seeing the resignation in her eyes. The tears shimmering there, ready to fall. Miranda felt something twist within her chest. Something breaking, slowly, inside. She swallowed as she faced the other woman.

“You’ll let me do that, to save them?” Miranda asked, her voice low.

Ash nodded. “Yes,” she said, staring at the floor. “I will.” The dark-haired agent grimaced. “Dammit Ash, you don’t know what you’re asking for,” said Miranda.

Ash stared at Miranda. Her voice small. “I know. I know it won’t be good,” she said. “But better me than one of my sisters. Or my mother.”

Miranda turned away. Her face torn. She shook her head. “You don’t know what it will be like. For you. For me. What you’re asking me to do is…”

Tears pricked at the marine’s eyes. “Please,” Ash whispered. Miranda shook her head, backing away from the cage. “No, I can’t…” she said.

Ash bit back a sob. “Miranda, help me,” she pleaded. “What if it were your sister at stake?” A cold wave of dread washed over Miranda, as she looked at the marine. A sudden nausea clenching in her stomach.

Miranda stared at Ash, her voice catching. “You don’t play fair,” she whispered.

Brown eyes held blue. A terrible intimacy born between them.

“I know,” Ash answered.


	6. Hurting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miranda is torn by her own past and her reluctance to hurt Ashley. She feels herself falling. Becoming something she hates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for mentions of violence, past rape and child abuse.
> 
> This background is central to Miranda's hatred of her father, and her willingness to serve Cerberus.  
> Please skip the chapter if you prefer not to view the content.

Miranda Lawson paced in the pirate base’s medical bay. Frustration clenching in her stomach. Her thoughts on the beautiful Alliance marine in the cargo bay.

_Why does she have to be so stubborn? Why does she insist on doing this the hard way? It’s just a little information. We’re on the same side, for god’s sake! Against the Reapers!_

All she needed was information on Saren, and Sovereign. Enough to give Cerberus the means to fight. To protect humanity from the Reapers, and their allies.

_Was that so wrong?_

_Why won’t she help me?_

_Worse yet, bringing up Oriana. Kneeling there, looking at me with those deep brown eyes._

_Asking to be tortured._

_To save her sisters. To save her mother._

_Asking me what I’d do if it were Ori._

_Damn her! Why the hell did she have to go and do that?_

Miranda growled, tossing her long black hair. She peered at the surgical table in the center of the room. Here was the best place to do it. To interrogate her. This room had all the instruments Miranda would need. To monitor Ash’s life signs, and administer aid.

 _When I hurt her_.

“Can I really do this?” Miranda asked.

She had never gone this far. Had never wanted to. She’d shied away from this very thing. Leaving it for others to do.

_Coward._

_How many have I captured?_

_How many have I turned over?_

_Just because mine weren’t the hands to hurt, did I really think they were clean?_

That was a lie. Her hands had never been clean. Each prisoner she’d handed over to Cerberus security was on her conscience.

_So much blood._

At least the med bay was fully stocked. Plenty of medigel, drugs and surgical equipment on hand.

_At least I can keep her alive. Not that she’ll thank me for it._

_She’ll wish I left her with the bomb._

_Fuck._

“Oriana will never forgive me,” Miranda whispered. “She’ll never understand. How I could do this. Not to another human being.”

_But I have to! How else can I keep her safe?_

Miranda raked her hands through her hair, grimacing.

“This is pointless,” Miranda said. “It has to be done, so it’s better I do it now. For me, and for her.”

Miranda left the med bay, striding down the hallway to the cargo bay. The cage Ash was held in loomed ahead.

_I didn’t even put her in the brig. I put her in a cage._

_Like a slave. An animal._

_Something less than human._

“Did I do that on purpose?” she whispered. “To make it easier? Easier to hurt her?”

The Cerberus agent let out a shuddering breath. Nervous energy tingling across her skin.

“Dammit,” Miranda said. “Why does she have to be so stubborn?”

Miranda spied the figure of the brunette lying on the floor. Her back turned to Miranda. Silent.

_She’s not asleep. She’s waiting for something. For me to make a slip-up._

A bitter grin split Miranda’s face.

_I wonder if she plans to kill me._

_I know I would, if our positions were reversed._

“Ash,” she called. “Get up. It’s time.”

The marine rose to her feet. Her movements fluid, agile. The quiet grace of an apex predator.

A killer.

_Beautiful and dangerous._

Miranda was reminded of a zoo she’d visited, as a child.

Of seeing a caged panther, powerful muscles rippling beneath its black coat.

Yellow eyes peering at the young Lawson child.

Glowing with naked ferocity.

Eyes that said one thing.

_I’d kill you, if I could reach._

Miranda looked at Ashley Williams, and saw the same look.  The same unspoken promise. Shining darkly in chocolate eyes.

Miranda’s right hand lit with her biotics, ready to throw a singularity at the other woman. That would slow her down, at least.

_I don’t want to hurt her, after all._

_Not yet._

A sick feeling squirmed in Miranda’s stomach. Her emotions rebelling against what she was going to do. What she had to do.

_To keep Oriana safe._

Miranda knew what would happen to her sister if Cerberus revoked its protection.

Henry Lawson had a long reach.

_I won’t let father near her! He won’t touch her._

_I’ll kill him first._

Miranda snarled inwardly, her face dark.

_I’m not twelve years old anymore._

_He can’t scare me any longer._

_I’m not a child._

Miranda clenched her fists, trying to reign in her temper. She’d been so young back then. So scared. She couldn’t understand why her father would hurt her. Would do _that_. Would use her. Slipping into her room, night after night. Taking her on the canopied princess bed. Without a word. Creaking bedsprings, the slapping of flesh, and her frightened whimpers the only sound. Leaving her broken each time. A mess of tears and shame.

He’d done it so long. As soon as her breasts began to bud. As her curves began to show.

Because he could.

Because he’d created her.

_Because nobody stopped him._

“Fucking bastard,” she husked.

_He won’t take what he wants. Never again._

_I won’t let him hurt Ori._

Miranda stumbled, her thoughts clashing. Sick at what she was about to do.

_Dammit._

_I’m no better than him, now._

Miranda forced herself to move forward.  She pulled a small electronic device from her catsuit. She approached the cage, eyeing the marine. Wary. Expecting resistance. She opened the door, letting it swing wide.

“Come out,” she said.

The marine exited, her eyes on the Cerberus agent. “Now what?” Ash asked, her voice cool. “Kneel down,” replied Miranda. “Hands on your head.” The brunette sank to her knees, eyes fixed on Miranda. “Gonna tie me up?” she asked, smirking.

“Nothing so crude,” Miranda said. “Just this.” Miranda touched the device in her hand to Ash’s right temple. A short ping sounded. Ash grimaced, as it stung her flesh. “The device bonds to your central nervous system,” Miranda said. “For control, and punishment.” “What does it do? Shock me if I’m bad?” asked Ash, her lips curling.

Miranda shook her head. “No,” she said. “It taps into the pain and pleasure centers in your brain. It can cause you to feel any number of things. Again, and again. Without any physical damage to the body. Psychologically, though…” Miranda trailed off.

“Sounds charming,” said Ash. Miranda sighed, frustrated. “Won’t you just tell me what I need? Please?” she said.

 “If I refuse, what then?” asked Ash.

Miranda clenched her jaw. “The device is a level one interrogation technique,” she said. “Level two is physical interrogation. Real hurt. Real damage.” Ash chuckled, meeting Miranda’s eyes. “Is there a level three?” she asked.

Miranda swallowed. She didn’t want to think about that. “Yes,” she said. “That level uses extreme physical coercion. It’s not something you’d likely survive.”

Ash stared at Miranda. “I’m sorry,” she said. “But I can’t give you the information.”

Miranda frowned. “Why, Ash?” she said. “We don’t have to do this. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Brown eyes pierced Miranda. “No, you don’t. But you’re going to anyway, aren’t you? Ash replied.

Miranda stood before the marine. A flush of guilt washing through her body. Her face suddenly weary. Etched with sadness.

“Yes,” she said, tears burning in her eyes.

_Is this all there is? Is this what I’ve become?_

Fearing father. Hating him. Only to become his shadow. Willing to violate someone else. To hurt them, so profoundly.

_Just to take what I want._

_Like any other rapist._

“Forgive me,” Miranda whispered.

She looked at the marine kneeling on the floor.

Her throat tight. Chest aching.

“Get up,” she said.

“It’s time to start.”


	7. Torture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miranda interrogates Ash. Her downward spiral continues as she brutally tortures the marine, despite her misgivings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning. This chapter features graphic violence towards a prisoner.

Miranda led Ash down the hall. She paused by the med bay, motioning to the security office opposite it. “In there,” she said. She pointed to the far wall. Three cells lay there. The door of one open. “Inside,” Miranda commanded. Ash stepped towards the door, then whirled, a fist lashing out at the biotic. Miranda slapped the punch aside, then touched her omni-tool. Ash stopped, suddenly felled. Pain bursting behind her eyes, a spike in her head. She tumbled to the ground, curling in on herself. “You shouldn’t have done that,” the agent said. Ash’s vision hazed as she fell unconscious.

Ash opened her eyes, blinking slowly. The world coming into focus again. She lay on the floor of the cell. The door closed. Miranda lay outside, hands on her hips. “You’re back,” she said. “No thanks to you,” Ash muttered. “This can end at any time, Ash,” the agent replied. Ash shook her head, a snarl on her face. “I won’t betray Jane,” she said. “No matter what you do to me.”

Miranda sighed. “You know that’s not the truth,” she said. “Eventually, you’ll break. No matter how much you love Shepard.”

The marine’s eyes flared. “Shut up!” she hissed. “Don’t say a fucking word more. You don’t have the right.” Miranda chuckled. “But I do,” she said. “Because I’m the one in control.” She smiled at Ash. Her voice soft, seductive. She gestured at her omni-tool.  “It’s all here,” she said. “Pain. Pleasure. Everything your body can feel. Mine to command. At my very fingertips.”

“I should’ve known,” whispered Ash. “You Cerberus freaks are all alike. Always with your sick games.” Miranda shrugged. “Yet you’re the one in the cell,” she said. “Helpless.” Ash glared. “Yeah, I’m sure Oriana would be really proud,” she spat.

Miranda’s eyes narrowed. “I’d be careful what I say, if I were you,” she growled. “Why?” answered Ash. “Am I wrong? Would you do this if she could see you?” Miranda’s fingers tensed on the omni-tool. A jolt of energy cut through Ash, tearing a cry from her lips. Her eyes met Miranda’s. “I was right,” she panted. “Maybe it’s a blessing she doesn’t know you.”

The Cerberus officer stared at Ash. “Strip,” she said. “Really?” answered Ash. Miranda rolled her eyes. “You can do it, or I can do it when you’re unconscious,” she answered.

A blush climbed Ash’s throat, flooding her cheeks. “Fine,” she huffed. “Is this one of your power plays, or is it just a kink?” Miranda looked away, embarrassed. “No, it’s just so your clothes will stay… clean.” Ash smirked. “Blood is so hard to get out of the wash,” she said, her voice bitter.

Ash bent over, slipping the shoes from her feet. She unzipped the gray jumpsuit, slipping out of it. The marine stood stiffly in bra and panties, unable to meet the other woman’s eyes.

Miranda’s eyes roamed over the marine. Clad in light blue undergarments. The Systems Alliance insignia stenciled on the right hip of the panties. Her hair unbound, falling in dark waves around her shoulders.

_Beautiful._

_For now._

Ash reached behind her back, unclasping her bra. It fluttered from her fingers, falling to the floor. Grasping the hem of her panties, she slid them down, stepping free of them. Ash looked at Miranda. Her skin prickled with goosebumps, nipples stiffening to tight peaks in the cold air.

“Put your hands through the bars, waist high,” Miranda ordered. Ash complied, resting against the steel. Reaching behind her back, Miranda retrieved a pair of security cuffs. She secured the marine to the bars of the cell. The cuffs glowed as they fastened around Ash’s wrists. Miranda tugged them to see if they held. She nodded her satisfaction. They weren’t going anywhere.

Miranda opened the door to the cell, entering it. She stepped behind the marine. Her breath hot on Ash’s skin. Her hands fell to the brunette’s hips, holding her still. “It doesn’t need to be this way,” she said. Ash shivered. The agent’s touch electric on her skin. “What do you mean?” she asked. “I’m in control,” answered Miranda. “Surrender.”

The brunette clenched her jaw. “No,” she replied.

 Miranda leaned closer, pressing against Ash. Her lips beside the marine’s ear. “Ash,” she breathed. “There’s no judgement here. No blame. No guilt. Let that go. Save yourself.” The brunette lowered her head, a tear falling down her cheek. “I… I can’t,” she whispered. “Please, Ash,” said Miranda. “Please, tell me.”

Ash shook her head, her eyes closed. “No Miranda,” she said. The Cerberus agent straightened, stepping back from the marine. “Then I have no choice,” she said. Ash turned her head. Looking over her shoulder at the other woman. “You’re wrong,” she said. “There’s always a choice.”

Miranda activated her omni-tool. An avalanche of sensation slammed into the marine. Across her back, curling around her breasts. Like the lash of a whip, tearing. Ash’s legs collapsed. Her knees hitting the hard, concrete floor. Dangling from the cuffs that held her aloft. A shriek echoing off the walls of the cell.

“I’m sorry Ash,” Miranda said. “I truly am.”

_I can’t afford to be weak._

_Never again._

Ash tried to stand, her legs shaking. Another pulse ran through her. Tearing. A knife thrust, cutting deep. She screamed. Her voice high, unfamiliar. Her bladder emptied. Urine coating her thighs as she hung, helpless. She sobbed, gasping for breath. Manacles cutting into her wrists. “Miranda!” she moaned. Her voice raw, aching.

The pain stopped.

The sound of footstep grew close. Ash felt the heat of a body beside her. Miranda. Kneeling on the floor. Heedless of the mess. Her hand gently carding through the brunette’s hair. “It can stop,” she said. “It can stop right now, Ash. Just tell me. Tell me.” Ash shook her head. Her voice low. “Never,” she said. “You’ll have to kill me.”

Miranda lowered her head, sighing. “Damn you,” she whispered.

She stood, raising the brunette’s head with one hand. Her pistol in the other. She pressed its cold muzzle against Ash’s head. “Is that what you want?” she said. Ash gazed at the agent. Brown eyes bright with tears. “We both know that’s how this will end,” she said, her voice soft. “No loose ends, right?”

Miranda stepped back, looking at the brunette. “It doesn’t have to be like that.” she pleaded. A weak chuckle fell from Ash’s lips. “Doesn’t it?” she replied. “Cerberus doesn’t release prisoners.” Miranda growled, frustrated. “They don’t have to know!” she said.

Ash scoffed. “What if they find out?” she asked. “What happens to Oriana’s protection then?” Miranda lowered her head. “I don’t know,” she said. A bitter smile twisted Ash’s lip. “Yes, you do,” the brunette answered. “That’s why you’ll never let me go.”

“But, Ash…” said Miranda. Ash gazed at Miranda, her eyes dull. “If you’re going to do this, then do it,” she said. “But don’t lie to me. Not anymore.” She looked down at the floor, steeling herself.

The sound of Miranda’s footsteps receded. Bootheels scuffing as she turned.

Ash took a deep breath. Waiting. Seconds crawling. Breathing hard. Her heart racing.

It came. The breath torn from her lungs as it started again. Pain. Smashing though her resistance. Like a pillar of fire, clawing up her spine. Tearing her thoughts asunder. Knowing only burning. One with the fire that consumed her. The sharp, metallic taste of blood in her throat as she screamed.

Until she fell, broken, into black oblivion.

* * *

Ash awoke. Legs numb. Wrists aching. She drew a deep, shuddering breath. A hand turned her head. Miranda. Kneeling beside her.

“Stop resisting, please,” Miranda said. “You can’t win.” Ash grinned wearily. “We’ll see about that,” she replied. “Why?” Miranda asked. “Why do this?”

Ash shook her head. “This is all you, Miranda. Not me,” she said. Miranda reached out, stroking the younger woman’s hair. “I don’t want this,” she replied. “Help me.”

Ash chuckled softly. “Are you surprised, Miranda?” she said. “That you can be like this?” Miranda paused. “Yes,” she admitted. Her voice hushed. “I never thought I could. Now it’s too late.”

Ash looked at Miranda, sadness in her eyes. “It’s never too late to do the right thing,” she said.

“Don’t pity me,” Miranda said, her face hardening. “Don’t you dare.” She stood up. “You need to answer, now.”

Brown eyes glared, defiant. “I won’t,” Ash said. She lowered her face, staring at the floor. “Go ahead. Finish it.”

Miranda closed her omni-tool. She stepped towards the brunette. Her fingers playing lightly on the other woman’s skin. A quiet sigh escaped her lips.

_Why?_

_I don’t want to do this. I don’t._

_But Oriana…_

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Miranda raised her hand. Her face grim. Blue eyes hardening. A ball of force gathered at her fingertips. White. A whirling pearl of flame.

Miranda held the energy. Not releasing it. Then dragged her hand down the marine’s back. Tearing flesh. Blood burst from the other woman’s back.  Streaming down alabaster skin. Ash arched backwards, her hips jerking. A guttural scream torn from her. Long. Scaling upwards. The sound of an abattoir. Of something being slaughtered.

“Tell me,” Miranda grated. “Tell me, damn it!”

The brunette shook her head. Tears streaming down her face.

“No,” she breathed.

The hand descended again. Painting a carmine X across the marine’s skin. Flaying her. The whiteness of bone beneath. Blood staining Ash’s hips, her buttocks. Pooling around her legs. Creeping across the floor.

Miranda’s hands clenched. Her heart stuttering. “You’re going to die here,” she said. “Is that what you want?”

Ash looked up, her eyes bleary. “Doesn’t matter,” she said, her voice quaking. “I’m sorry, Miranda. You should’ve left me on Virmire.”

The brunette fainted, collapsing to one side.

Miranda touched her omni-tool. The restraints released, spilling the marine to the floor. She looked at the other woman. Laying so still, in a puddle of scarlet. Miranda’s stomach rebelled. She turned, stumbling to the side. Vomit splashed on the floor. Its scent harsh. Sour.

Like regret.

She turned away. Her face desolate. Keying her omni-tool. Administering medigel. Closing the wounds that would kill her prisoner.

Saving her.

_Until I hurt her again._

Hot tears fell, lost in the spreading pool of crimson.

“Look at me.” she said. “What I’ve become.”

_Tainted._

_Sick._

“A monster,” she whispered.

_True to my blood._

“A Lawson, after all.”

 


	8. Lament and Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miranda is torn by regret as she nurses Ash. A deadly betrayal changes everything.

Miranda sat in the base’s infirmary. Peering at a terminal, scanning the data she’d stolen. Looking for anything unusual. Clues to what Saren was up to. A bottle of Batarian ale lay on her desk. Miranda swirled the green liquor in her glass, grimacing. She raised the drink to her lips, swallowing it. It burned down her throat. Harsh, bitter. But at least it was a diversion. An escape from her relentless thoughts. About the woman sleeping nearby. The woman she had hurt.

Miranda looked over from her desk to the bed in the far corner. Gazing at its occupant. Gunnery Chief Williams.

_Ash_

It had been a near thing. She’d almost died from her wounds. The base infirmary had been a godsend. “She didn’t give up, didn’t break. Despite it all,” mused Miranda. “All the pain. All the blood. Everything I did to her.”

_I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t. Why, why did I do it?_

Miranda turned towards Ash. Her expression bruised. Guilty. She crossed to the marine’s bedside. She was asleep. Pulse and breathing normal. Resting. Miranda leaned over, her fingers playing in the brunette’s hair, combing it out of her eyes. “What’s happened to me?” she said. “When did I become like this?”

_God, there was so much blood. Everywhere._

_On her. On the floor. On me._

Miranda understood violence. Killing others in the field, with pistol or biotics. The mad rush of combat. But torture? She’d never get used to that. She didn’t want to. Especially now. Looking at  _her_.

_She was dying, and she said she was sorry._

_Taking the blame for what I did._

“It was my fault. Everything,” Miranda said. The thought of harming Ash made her sick. Made her want to run. She stared at her omni-tool with loathing. She’d been so quick to use it. Power and damnation at her fingertips. She slipped it off, watching its orange glow wink out. Letting it drop from her hand, like something cursed.

_Or is it me?_

An image rose in her mind. Ash, naked. Kneeling, helpless on the floor.

_I used my biotics to…_

Miranda covered her mouth with one hand, nauseated. Bile rising in her throat. “She’ll never forgive me,” she said, blinking back tears. “And why should she?” Her voice dropped, a low, aching rasp. “I don't deserve it”

She’d stood there in Ash’s cell. Appalled by her actions. By the things she’d done. The blood she'd spilled. Her hands trembling. So afraid she’d killed the brunette.

“What can I do to make things right?” Miranda whispered. Her voice full of ashes. ”If only I’d waited. Tried to convince you. Made you understand how I felt,” she said. “None of this would’ve happened.”

They'd leave Prescyla in the morning. Miranda hoped she'd never see it again. That she'd never seen it in the first place. She'd fixed the shuttle. Repairing it had taken her mind off Ash. From the scars on the brunette’s back. The jagged lines crossing from shoulder to hip. Ones she could not erase, or take back. As much as she might like to.

_I do, so much._

She’d take the brunette to Feros. From there, she could get back to Alliance space. Rejoin Shepard. Get the chance to confess to the commander. A tiny smile lit Miranda’s face. Ash deserved that. To be with the woman she loved. “I’ll make it happen,” she said. “I’ll get you home.” She cupped Ash’s chin, her thumb skimming the brunette’s full lips. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m so sorry. I wish…”

She shook her head, knowing her words did not suffice.

Miranda turned away from the sleeping woman, lowering the lights in the room. She retreated to her chair, collapsing into it, overcome with emotion. She grabbed her glass, refilling it from the bottle. Relishing the liquor’s burn as it punished her throat. She stared at her terminal, the lines of the data scan hypnotic, lulling her into fitful sleep.

* * *

Miranda woke in her chair, stretching awkwardly, her muscles stiff. Drinking had not been a good idea. It was late. Hoc would not bring daylight to the planet for another eight hours. The room was dark. The light of her terminal and the lamp beside Ash’s bed the only illumination.

The data terminal chimed, alerting her to the results of the scan. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes, leaning close. One folder lay highlighted, blinking. She clicked on it. The contents opened, springing to life upon the screen. Her mouth opened wide in shock. A sudden chill rushing over her skin.

A familiar black and gold insignia crowned the file. One she wore upon her breast.

The emblem of Cerberus.

It was Cerberus data. From bases in the Voyager Cluster. Labs experimenting with Reaper tech. From Virmire.

Not stolen. Not diverted. Given. By Saren.

_This is… this is impossible._

_How could this be?_

Miranda poured over the records. Something dying within her as she read. Her purpose, her allegiance, her belief. Her lips trembled. Tears starting in her eyes. She stared, unable to look away. To deny the truth before her.

Betrayal. Of all humanity. Of life itself.

A strangled cry escaped Miranda's lips, her eyes frozen upon the screen. Fists clenched, sick with rage. One name stood out. Giving orders. Reviewing results. Jack Harper. The Illusive Man.

“Indoctrination,” she hissed. “We’re working for Sovereign. For the enemy.” Cerberus wasn’t fighting the Reapers. Far from it. “They own us,” she said.

_We’re their tool. Puppets, dancing to their whim._

Serving them. Using their technology. Adapting it.

_Putting it in people._

The recordings came next, a cavalcade of horrors. Image after image, seared into her mind. Men, women, children. All ages, all races. Bound, struggling. Without hope of escape. The dark seed of Reaper tech sown into their flesh. Becoming something else, something different, something monstrous as it germinated

Cerberus wasn’t the sword of humanity, or its shield. 

It was the tip of the Reaper’s spear. 

Miranda stood, staggering away from the terminal. Tearing the medallion from her chest. Hurling it into the darkness. It bounced and clattered across the floor. “Is this what I fought for?” she rasped. “What I believed in? My god, I’ve been  _helping them_.”

Miranda glanced at Ash, her heart plummeting. Remorse crashing down upon her. “What have I done?” she asked. “Everything I did to you. All the hurt I caused. All that blood. It was for _nothing_.”

_For a lie._

She fell to her knees, eyes downcast. Dark hair trailing towards the floor. “All these years, I thought I was doing something important. Something right,” she said. “Keeping our people safe. Keeping Oriana safe. But I’m not, I’m not…” She sagged. Hands braced against the floor. Tears falling onto cold concrete. “I’m the enemy,” she said, her voice a hoarse lament. “I didn’t know… I didn’t _know!”_

Miranda rose, lurching towards Ash’s bed. She drew close, gazing at marine. Watching the rise and fall of her breast, each breath, as she slept. She couldn’t go to the Alliance. Or the Citadel Council. No one would believe her warnings.

Miranda needed proof. Something undeniable. That proved the Reapers’ existence, and Harper’s betrayal. She’d have to go to the Voyager Cluster. Steal the Reaper tech, and all the research. “I have to stop them,” she said. “But how?” 

She couldn’t do it alone. She’d need an ally. Someone who’d believe. Someone she could count on. Someone strong, and brave, and true. “Someone like you,” she said, looking at Ash.

Miranda’s eyes traced the brunette’s face, a plea on her lips. “Will you help me?” she said. “Trust me? Stand by me, despite what I’ve done?” She looked down, eyes misting, her face anguished. “I hope so,” she whispered. “Because I don’t know where else to turn.” She reached out, covering the marine’s hand with her own. A desperate hope, poignant, aching, written on her face.

Miranda straightened, nodding her head. As if shouldering a burden. “We’ll need a team,” she said. “The best at what they do. Who won’t be afraid to fight. Even if we’re alone.”

Her lips curved in a bitter smile. Cold, savage. A promise of war, of vengeance without pity. “There’s only one place we can go. One person who might help, for a price.”

Blue eyes hardened. A sudden strength, a grim resolve in them.

“Omega. To see Aria T’Loak.”


	9. Reprisal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miranda leaves herself vulnerable to Ash's judgement. The marine lashes out in retaliation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for violence and sexual assault.  
> Ash is overcome by rage at her torture. She enacts a violent revenge.

The shuttle passed the baleful red eye of the Omega 4 relay. On course for the crowded space station ahead. Omega. Hollowed out of a giant asteroid, its days as a mining operation long past. Now a refuge for outcasts. The unwanted, the unseen. Smugglers, vagabonds, pirates, and whores. Ruled by one woman. Aria T’Loak. Dark queen of the Terminus systems.

Miranda sat in the pilot’s seat, cradled in soft leather. Her hands flickered over the controls. Guiding the vessel into orbit around the scarred station. The operative placed the helm on auto, then stood. Heading towards the stern. She entered the quiet shuttle’s cabin. A long lab coat serving as a makeshift dress. She’d found it in one of the lockers, preferring it to her catsuit. Her eyes drifted to the garment, lying in the sink.

_Stained with blood_

She stripped the omni-tool from her wrist. Letting it clatter to the table beside Ash’s bed. She reached behind her back, placing her pistol beside it. A knife from her boot joining it.

_She’ll wake soon_

_And then…_

The operative dropped into a nearby armchair, wrapping her arms around herself. A sob breaking free from her lips. “Will she believe me?” she wondered. “Will she help? Even after what I did to her?”

What happened next, would decide everything. Her freedom, her future…

_Her life_

Miranda closed her eyes. At least she’d made recordings for Ash. About Cerberus and the Reapers. She’d even included a plea to the brunette, to help her sister. Help Oriana, in case…

_In case she kills me_

Miranda sighed, brushing ebon hair from her face. “It’s not like I deserve anything else,” she whispered. The image of Jack Harper flared in her mind.  “I wish I’d known. Before all this. Maybe I could’ve stopped this. Stopped _him_. Before I…”

_Before I hurt her_

She looked down at her hands, remembering. The blood, so much blood. The ease with which she’d tormented the other woman. For a lie. An ideal that was dead, stillborn on Shanxi, so many years ago. “I hope she’ll listen,” Miranda husked. “At least a little. If Shepard dies…”

_The Reapers win_

Miranda hung her head, despondent. Her voice soft, melancholy. “Shepard’s an icon, a bloody hero. If we lose her now…”

Something stirred upon the bed. A light scent of jasmine in the air. Miranda let out a quiet breath. Closing her eyes.

The muzzle of a pistol pressed behind her ear.

A low voice rumbled. “I won’t let that happen,” it said. Miranda sagged. She turned her head, meeting the speaker’s eyes. “Ash,” she whispered.

The woman’s mien was cold, flat. Without expression. She pulled the operative to her feet, her voice rough. “Get up,” she ordered. Miranda obeyed, nodding. Blue eyes wary. Ash gestured to the floor. “Over there,” she said.

Miranda sunk to her knees. Her movements slow. Lacing her fingers behind her head. “Do what you want,” she said, her voice trembling. “But listen first, please!” Brown eyes pinned her to the floor. “Why should I do that?” Ash replied. “Why would I want to hear more lies?”

Miranda pleaded, desperate. “I found out something new, in the Virmire data,” she said. “About the Reapers. Something you _need_ to know!”

A harsh laugh left Ash’s lips. “You think I’d believe anything you say?” she said.

The agent shook her head. “No. You’ve got no reason to trust me. I know that,” she said. “But I’m _trying_. I… I give up. I won’t fight back. I left you my omni-tool, and my pistol. What else do you want?”

A brutal smile crossed Ash’s face. “How about this?” she hissed. She grabbed the other woman’s hair, twisting it painfully. Fingers clawing at the base of Miranda’s skull. Tearing her biotic amp from its port. The agent shrieked, falling to the floor. She shrank from the marine, eyes wide with fear.

Miranda scrabbled backwards across the deck, shaking her head. “Please Ash,” she pleaded. “Please, don’t hurt me.” The marine pulled the agent to her feet. Fingers digging into her arm. “Why not?” she spat. Miranda shook her head, tears standing in her eyes. “Some things you do, you can’t take back,” she said. “No matter how much you _want_ to.”

A spasm of anger crossed Ash’s face. “Like what you did to me?” she growled. Miranda’s gaze faltered, falling to the floor. “Yes,” she whispered.

Ash shoved Miranda onto the bed, spinning her around. Cinching her hands together with a zip tie. She rolled the operative over, holding her down. Her lips fell to the other woman’s ear. “How does it feel, Miranda?” she asked. “To be alone, to be powerless? To know I can do _anything_ I want to you?”

The operative shook her head, eyes full of grief. “Ash, I know I was wrong,” she said. “I know I hurt you. I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

A fist caught the side of Miranda’s head. Stunning her. Stars bursting behind her eyes. Fingers clenched around her throat. Another blow came, splitting Miranda’s lip. The metal tang of blood upon her tongue. A hand collided with Miranda’s cheek, nails tearing a deep furrow across her skin.

Ash raged at the operative, her voice raw. Teeth bared in a vicious snarl. Something in her breaking, becoming incandescent. The scars upon her back a goad of flame. “You think you can apologize, just say you’re sorry?” she said. “You think I want that, from a Cerberus _whore_?”

Fingers clenched in Miranda’s hair, yanking hard. Pulling her forward. Level with Ash’s face.

“Well, _fuck you_ , Miranda,” the marine grated, her eyes dark. She hurled the other woman down, pinning her to the mattress.

Miranda looked up, her face pale with dread. At the woman above her. Her face contorted. All reason lost, all control. Brown eyes hot with anger, and something _else_.

Something so familiar. A memory of long ago.

Being trapped.

Being helpless

_Being used._

“Oh, god, no,” she whispered.

_Not that. Please, not that._

Miranda sobbed, shaking her head. Her voice a futile plea. “Ash, please, don’t do this. Please…”

Ash gripped Miranda’s coat, tearing it open. Buttons popping, bouncing across the floor. Revealing black lace and milky flesh beneath. She clawed the filmy garments away. Releasing full breasts. Exposing the dark thatch of hair between the operative’s legs. Rough hands bruising ivory flesh. Calloused fingers parting Miranda’s thighs, poised at her entrance.

Tears burst from Miranda’s eyes. She lay upon the bed, frozen

“No,” she whimpered. “Not again.”

A desperate cry burst from her lips. Blue eyes locked with mocha. “Ash, please! _This isn’t you!”_

Something in her voice reached the marine.

Ash halted, her rage collapsing. Panting. Eyes wide, her mouth open. Staring at the woman beneath her. Bound, battered. Her clothing shredded. Naked upon the bed.

Ash paled, stumbling away. Falling to the floor, horror-struck. “Oh, my god,” she whispered. “Oh, god, no.” She huddled there, sickened by her actions.

_What have I done?_

A wave of tears came, stinging Ash’s eyes. Scalding her cheeks. A howl of grief tearing from her throat.

A low voice came from the bed. Fragile. A thing of brittle glass.

“I’m sorry, Ash,” Miranda whispered. “So sorry.” She let out a ragged breath. “I know I don’t deserve your help, or mercy. But please, _please_ give me a chance.”

The marine rose, walking to the bed. Halting, like one condemned. She paused by the nightstand, taking the knife that lay there. Its weight heavy in her hand. The edge keen beneath her thumb. She stared down at Miranda. Into blue eyes, bright with pain. Ash slipped the knife between her bonds, freeing her. She pulled the blanket from the foot of the bed, wrapping it around the other woman. 

A broken sob left Miranda’s lips. “Thank you,” she said. “Thank you, Ash.”

The brunette lifted her eyes. “For what?” she asked. Her voice faint, hollow.

A soft murmur left Miranda’s lips. “For _stopping_ ,” she said.

Ash closed her eyes. Her words thick with loathing. “I… I wanted to _hurt_ you,” she said. “I would’ve… I would’ve…” The marine crumpled, falling to her knees. Her head bowed. “How could I _do_ that?” she whispered.

Miranda slipped from the bed. The blanket clutched around her shoulders. Kneeling before the younger woman.

“Look at me, Ash,” Miranda said, her voice gentle. “Look at me, please.” The marine looked up, gazing at the haggard beauty. Into eyes, shadowed by regret. “I forgive you,” Miranda said. “I forgive you, Ash.”

The marine blinked back tears, her voice small. “Why?” she asked.

The agent’s hand reached out, cupping the brunette’s cheek. Each word an aching wound, so soft.

“Because, someday I hope you can forgive _me_ ,” she replied.


End file.
